I told someone that i'd make a simultantios post with my journal here, so here goes. this is from last night, so blah...

I think it's the eighth, or was rather, as it's 1:45 am right now. I just got done hanging out with David and Kelly, and i had a sort of epiphany. The last few times i that i've hung out with kelly, i haven't been as happy as i usualy am, and downright depressed soemtimes. I'm not sure, but i'm hoping this is temporary. I think it may have soemthing to do (in someway) with me coming to terms with her. I think i've subconciously realized that i have no chance with'er. I don't want that, but i think thats the way it is.

-insert chart detailing rise, and then leveling out in dec, then rising higher until mar, then dropping ever so slightly until current-

break it down. once i hit december, i topped out for a bit, probably due to original converstaion. i have no other idea what this may be other than comming to terms.

I've decided that i'm going to let david read this(journal) like i did w/friend. get another persepective on things and a reaffermation that i'm not as crazy as i think i am

usualy i close this out with a semi-relavent quote/lyric. unfortunatly, i cannot find/think of one to put here. it may even be my last entry depending on the advice i get from david. if it is, it's been good. if not, i'll catc you some othertime


now, a few nots on above... no, this is not a suicide note. i've already told everyone that matters i'm past that point in life. it's wrong, stupid, and a waste of everyones time. it's just that, dependnign on what happsn, i'm probably done writing in the notebook.

somehting else i kinda thought about while transcribing this, is my situation with her. it might be soemthing else, but i can't think of what i'd do to describe it. ~shrug~ oh well... i'll jus' go with it for now. i figure a week and i'll be done with everything. have all the possible guidance i could recieve, and jus' do what needs to be done. as of now, i've got someone backing me up no matter what decsion i make. well.. what ever decsion she makes. i'mma let her decide how to end our friendship, -heh- it sounds horrible, but i don't see much else happening. i've already told'er once, and we all knwo this already, but i'd be pushing it. somehting i don't really wanna do, but may need to be done. if it was the wrong thing, i don't forsee much hanging out anymore. maybe it's payment for hanging out with david so much now... karmicly, or something. without getting too much into the whole faith thing, seeing as how most people don't share my beliefs, i don't deserve what i've gotten from God, even if it isn't what i've wanted. Hes got the sickest sense of humor ever, yo, and no one can disagree with me... athiest, buddist, or what...