Well, today was decent i guess. lotsa bad stuff around, but the last few minutes at school made up for it. was playin' 9 ball in the game room, and a freidn was whipping zebra cakes(still in the package) at people. before i took my shot, i motioned for'm to throw one up. lets jus' say, that it literally EXPLODED all over the pool table, and back in his general direction. there is no way i can document this in it's entireity as it happened to me. i was in tears by the time i realized what happened, it was that funny. check out cody's blog when she updates it. i'm sure she'll be able to capture the moment better then i can as she was a whiteness. needless to say, that ended our game right there. damn, was it funny. those are gonan be some bizare stains on the pool table though

i've come back to the realization that i've once again become self destructive. the last time i was this was was maybe aug/sept of 02. i used to belittle my self in every way possible. if there was a bad joke, i used myself. i constantly called myself lame, a loser, and many other negative things. i wasn't sure if i ment'm or not, but i know some of'm i wouldn't have denied. yeah, i'm doing that again, and for alot fo the same reasons too... to make people laugh, to take teh heat off of someone else, and yeah... i think 'cause i actually believed it a little bit. i think it has somethign to do with personal stresses reguarding certain friends... one in particular (i'll give you one guess.) i guess i'll ride this until soemone else brings it up, or it finally gets to me on my level...

i had another movie moment tonight... comming home from school, a song by dope was playing that talked about another day passing by. it was perfect, the road was dark, and the sky was as well, with clouds covering about half the sky so only a few stars shown through. it's one of those emotional things, you know? soemthign that can not be written into words, or pictures. it's a real experience. i had an honest smile though... one brought by the moemnt, and not soemthign artificial... i could feel the song, or the chours rather, and such. i mean yeah, it was just another day gone by. what more could i do? i don't wanna dwell on it. it wasn't neccesarily a waste or anything, but then... it wasn't invested very well. ~shrug~ i smiled... thats what counted

mondays' was somdthing similar, except if was late afternoon. comming home from davids on the road i take, both sides have farm fields, and forests... and thats about it. i was driving past a spaot with farm feilds on both sides. the drivers side one was farily large, but boxed in by trees. passengers side was all open. the sund was at that point were it was peeking into the cars cockpit from just over the edge of the window frame to the point were it was in your eyes, and you could see the little flare, but not irritating yet. i had the fragile in the player, and 'the mark has been made' was playing. if you know nothing abotu the song, know that it is one of the most beautiful things on that album. the enitre moment was simply breathtaking. needless to say i smiled, and wanted nothign mroe then to cry at that moment in time. i felt like i was in the driving scene from the movie 'Jerry' (think thats how it's spelled, needless to say... don't worry, it's a movie that shows two guys walking for 1.5-2 hours, and not much more) and that everythign in the world was perfect and complete. i really wished that a few certain peopel could've felt that exact emotion that i felt. i'm kinda wondering, two of those moments in one week... maybe it's coicidence... i dunno, but i've got my eyes open.

've been doing some thinking reguarding infatuation lately. it's probably fopr teh negative however, as i'm starting to lean away from what david said. it's like his advice is just wearing off, and i'm leaning back to my orignal plan of three little words/notebook. i figure as soon as i post this/sometime before i go to bed, i'll read over what he said again. maybe that'll reinforce it... knock on wood...

Another Day Goes By
-dope

Another day goes by
And I don't understand or know the reasons why
I'm looking for a change in life
But another day goes by

Here we go again

It's today
I wish it was tomorrow though I think I'd say
Ya know I think it feels just like yesterday
So lately I've been looking for a change
But the more things change
The more they seem to stay the same
Here we go again

It's a new day
It's almost like tomorrow never came
Same ole thing same ole game different name
And everyday I sing the same ole song
And today I don't feel like waking up
But the show must go on and on and on

Another day goes by
And I don't understand and I don't pretend to try
I wanna change my life
But another day goes by

Just when I get it right another day goes by

Here we go again

So many days gone by
I still don't understand but now I realize
I'm gonna change my life that's right
While the days go by
I'm gonna change my life that's right
While the days go by
I wanna change my life
But another day go by