I quit. Fuckin' quit. I can't do this shit anymore. Today jus' did it for me. And you know what happened? nothing! fucking NOTHING! Self information once agian! Jebus Christ! Can i not get a fuckin' break from my own mind? can i please stop thinking too deeply into things? i mean damn... Can i jus' not think period? Everything comes back to her, and it pisses me off beacuase all i do is jump to conclusions in that department. From the conversation i had with her last week, it sounds like we both want the same thing, but have just chosen to go about it in the complete opposite direction. I'm tired of being alone, so i've gone to jus' clinging to anything that offers a caring thought, no matter how small. I want nothing to do with this being alone thing anymore. Her on the otherhand, has done the opposite. She doesn't want people there. Says is jus' used to being alone on all things, and isn't ready to have someone there, actually WANTING to be there. Fuck, i'm not used to being alone? Fuckin' A! I wish i had a reason to be pissed, upset or what ever, but i don't. I mean, yes, i guess i might be able to understand her reasoning and all. it seems a little weird to me. I know i'm thinking too far into this, and blowing it WAY out of proportion. I just can't help it. i'm frustrated all to hell, and i want it to end. I needa take a breath and calm down, however there is jus' nothing to breathe. Its gotten to the point were i no longer want to be sober when i'm in one of my moods/depressions/whatever the fuck you wanna label it. I even found someone too hook me up with some HC this last weekend. Fuck you, i needed it...( fuck you for even thinking "you don't need shit, except to calm the fuck down") it jus' makes it that much easier to deal with since i'm so layed back. I quit... i fucking quit. i'm done. i still like'er and all, but i can't do this shit anymore. i've concluded that if she wants to talk to me, she can call... i wonder if i'll be able to do it. I'm tired of being the one to initiate getting together or some shit. i want to know if i should even pursue her anymore, or if i should jus' count my losses and call it two months wasted. i'm outta my fucking mind here. if anyone has a life preserver, i'm grasping for it.
i want more drugs.
Darkness
-Twiztid
How come this wasted time is such a loss expressed on minds side?
I'd give you everything if you just let me stand beside you
Your kind is so amused and still confused by what you live with
Your darkness just won't go away
Your light, it's time for you to shine on today
Nothing but darkness in me
Darkness, night time
No moon in the sky tonight
Feeling like our lives been tucked away, today
Life is darkness, forever remain, and again
How come these things you say they always seem to grow and haunt me?
I'd give you everything if you just let me stand beside you
You seem to think that I would let things slide and have you change me
This darkness just won't go away
No light, inside for me to shine on today
Nothing but darkness in me
Darkness, night time
No moon in the sky tonight
Feeling like our lives been tucked away, today
Life is darkness, forever remain, and again
Darkness, night time
No moon in the sky tonight
Feeling like our lives been tucked away, today
Life is darkness, forever remain, and again
And again [x15]
No light, inside for me to shine on today
Nothing but darkness in me
Darkness, night time
No moon in the sky tonight
Feeling like our lives been tucked away, today
Life is darkness, forever remain, and again
