i haddn't plan on saying anythign until sunday when i actually had free time i could spend. due to recent events however, i need this.

so there i was, procrastinating to go home and pack for drill when my phone rings. its the last fucking thing in the world that i'd ever want. its the unit. we got alerted. yay. joy. shoot me now. what does that mean? well.. it basicly means that i get to go over to the big fuckup. yeha, ownderful. i swear to God the first person that cracks the slightest joke will not like it. i dunno why i;ve even typing this, its not liek you guys can do anythign for me, and yet i njeed so much freaking help. i'm sitting here balling my ass off. i want nothign more than to just be dead at this moment. i don't care what others feel, it'd make me happy at leasgt and get me outta this bull shit. i've always acknoledge\d the fact that the army was the biggest fucking mistake i ever made, and now look what i get. how much bad fucking karma did i build up? why the fuck now... why when i'm 4 FUCKING CREDITS away way from my associates? why when friends are leaving. why when i'm ontop of everythign and happy again? why? some one just shoot me in the fucking head and get it over with. this pulls me outta my agreement with DeAnna to be her room mate, so i don't have to worry about that. yippie... fuckin' A... shoot me in the open fucking mouthl.

guys, i need your help. i don't have the slighets clue what you can do for me, and i don't even know why i'm asking for it. just, whatever... i know you told me david, i fucking know it. and i wish i woulda listened. i just can't get thta outta my head. this is the one fucking time i wish i didn't know you. the only thing there is the echo of "you won't like it, i'm tellin' ya man." just shut the fuck up already. and here i am ripping into david because he was rtight, and because of something he said years ago. its not his faut, i i fuckin' start into him... how unfair is that? i knwo some of you scoff at religion, and God and such... but whatever you're into, just do it... please.

God i need so many things right now, and yet i have no fucking clue what i need. i hate it. when i figure out somehting that i can count on everythign gets fuckin' outta hand at once. fuck it... i'm tired of doing oshit for peopel because its what THEY want me to. why did i have to listen to chris and have him talk me into joiining when i still wasn't sure. why do i have to be so fuckign docile!? fucking a... when is it my turn to do soemthing because its what -I- want to do?

and of course, on top of everything, blogger has to eat my fucking post, thanks. THANKs a whole fucing lot.

fuck it, i quit... none of this is even making sense, anyway.


[b]The Hand That Feeds[/b]
[i]-nine inch nails[/i]

You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?